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Joke of the Day

"I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty."

"My hamster died as he lived... in the microwave."

"My 11 year old made this up. Why did the pirate need a hooker? Because he lost his hand."

"Halloween and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing... people dress up and pretend to be someone they're not for some sugar"

"What do Steve Harvey and a dentist have in common? They're both experts at placing temporary crowns."

"I used to have to read my kids a bedtime story every single night until I started randomly killing off characters to amuse myself."

"Why did the number one go to jail? 187"

"Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match. Me: When can you operate? *lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver."

"What Do You Call Two Trains Crossing A Road? A Bad City Planner!"

"Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my girlfriend will only let me dress up as my brother Randy."