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Joke of the Day

"I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets' We've already been called the best cover band of all time"

"GTA V for the PC is taking so long to release... all of the radio stations will play classic hits."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker, and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits"

"I saw a billboard on the way to work this morning that read ""Future Events."" Well, that's a sign of things to come."

"*gets in the bus* *Brings out earphones* *untangles* *arrives*"

"My girlfriend and I broke up because of a difference in religious beliefs. She didn't believe I was God."

"You go to the ballet and you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don't they just get taller girls?"

"Hmm. Every fortune cookie I've opened in the past six months says ""you will die screaming."" Weird."

"I got uninvited from a friend's wedding Perhaps RSVPing ""Maybe Next Time"" wasn't the appropriate response."

"Fellas, if she asks you to sign life insurance policies on the way to your honeymoon, you're probably not making it out alive."