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Joke of the Day

"Hmm. Every fortune cookie I've opened in the past six months says ""you will die screaming."" Weird."

"Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible"

"You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon"

"What do you call a very smart glass of lemonade that is gay? A homo-genius mixture"

"Yo mama so fat.... that when she sits in space-time she causes gravitational waves"

"It would be nice if for once i got a thank you... ...when I serve breakfast in bed instead of ""who are you"" and ""how did you get in here""."

"Why did Adolf Hitler hate math class? He didn't like showing his work; was only interested in the final solution."

"What do you get when you wear wool socks in a tortilla chip factory? Tostitos."

"What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom? One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America."

"Procrastination Paradox... If you come in last in a procrastination contest because you procrastinated, does that make you the best or worst at procrastinating...???"