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Joke of the Day

"Guy just asked me where a public phone was, I told him 1987."

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"How do epileptics keep fit? With strobe lights."
"What browser do you use to watch porn? Bill Gates: ""Internet Explorer"" Sundar Pichai: ""Google Chrome"" Tim Cook: ""Safari"" Jared Fogle: ""Tor"""
"I wish to die peaceful and in sleep like my grandfather and not screaming and afraid like passengers in his bus."
"What kind of eye disease do vampires get? Dracular degeneration."
"What did the hipster astronaut say when his space mission arrived at the Sun? Not cool."
"A mugger was able to lure a woman very easily behind the building where he always sits... She was right up his alley."
"2 things I hate; 1)Hypocrites 2)and people who don't finish anyth"
"Enrage the one you love today with a calm, rational explanation."
"I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying."