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Joke of the Day

"I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying."

"Me: What music you into? Date: I love hip hop Me: Yeah me too [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: Soup Dogg is my cousin"

"I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. I was like OMg."

"Thanks, Santa! I totally wanted a hangover!"

"What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common? They were both caught with hands in their drawers."

"Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds."

"An Irishman walks out of a pub. ..."

"Only true feminists will get this Offended"

"Got 3 boxes of tampons, Midol & Ibuprofen at the store. Checker was so scared he paid for my shit & carried it out for me."

"My marriage counselor told me that I suffer from premature ejaculation... I said...""I don't suffer."""