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Joke of the Day

"I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying."

"A girl recognised me This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore."

"Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she kept throwing out all the Ws."

"""I had the worst Cruise ever."" - Katie Holmes"

"Hispanic magician: ""I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos"" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres"

"Think you know guilt? *takes long drag on cigarette* I'm the wildebeest who killed Mufasa. *exhales* I hear Simba's screams every night."

"*hands cashier $100 bill ""Ya have anything smaller?"" *crumbles up $100 bill and hands it to cashier"

"what do you call 10 rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline"

"What did the saucer say to the teacup? You have a hot bottom."

"Fired from my job as an autopsy technician for repeatedly asking ""are you gonna eat that?"" during the procedures."