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Joke of the Day

"2 things I hate; 1)Hypocrites 2)and people who don't finish anyth"

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"""I live my life .402 kilometers at a time, chap"" - Fast and Furious 7: Now We're British"
"An immigration officer asks a drunk man if he's Hungarian he says ""yep, but my name's not Arian"""
"My wife was complaining about how the washing machine was making a lot of noise lately. I told her to put a sock in it."
"What do you call a German with no good inside? Guten free."
"I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?"
"How do you know when a vegan gets to the party? Don't worry, they'll tell you."
"What's long, stiff and full of se(a)men? Maddie McCan"
"Due to those 5 extra minutes of sleep I got because of the snooze button I'm not even tired anymore Said no one ever!"
"Me*taps wife's shoulder*Whatcha doin? wife:Meditating me*still tapping*Why? wife: It helps me relax me*still tapping* Is it working? wife:No"