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Joke of the Day

"I've never seen a chameleon. Good job, chameleons."

"If an entire garden was variegated... would it take longer to get in to?"

"On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door."

"Trying to argue via text is like Being Italian and talking with handcuffs on."

"I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo."

"I'm starting a mirror cleaning business. Its a job I can really see myself doing!!"

"Have you heard of the new sex scandal in the church? They're calling it Jesus fucking Christ"

"Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500? Because XD"

"I'm hesitant to go ahead with my new plastic surgeon since he said he could give me ""the parts of an animal"" I was all gung-ho before, but now he's given me paws"

"My body looks up and it begs me, ""Eat a vegetable,"" and I look down and I whisper, ""No"""