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Joke of the Day

"On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door."

"TIL that in the PC version of GTA V there's a new keyboard shortcut which when you press it will cause your character to kill minorities Alt+Right"

"What did the vegetarian do to get ripped? He juiced..."

"Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language ? Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters"

"What does school and the male reproductive organ have in common? Most of the time it's hard and long - unless you're Asian."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? Well you can jelly your cock up her ass!"

"This Tweet has been a test of the Emergency Procrastination System."

"Went to the corner store I bought 4 corners"

"Two atoms were crossing the road... ...when the first atom screams ""Ahhhhh! I lost an electron"". The second atom asks ""Are you sure?"" to which the first atom replied ""Yes, I'm positive."""

"What do you call a Chameleon that can't change colors? Reptile dysfunction."