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Joke of the Day
"My body looks up and it begs me, ""Eat a vegetable,"" and I look down and I whisper, ""No"""
Next Joke
"I must have a great ass Because after leaving a conversation, I always hear someone mumble ""what an ass."""
"I wanted to make a joke about black people but it's not gonna work"
"Got pretty embarrassed at the party last night. Totally looked like I peed my pants 'cuz I spilled my glass of pee into my lap"
"How to tell if an orange likes to party Just Invitamin-C."
"Why do truck drivers like wearing finger-less gloves... They like to see their girlfriend in shorts"
"My son is an embarrassment, I'm afraid. He came back from college for Xmas, and seems mortified to find that me & his mom have gone goth."
"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter."
"[job interview] ""Tell me one of your long term goals"" Sleeping ""No, I meant-"" *leans in way too close* My answer isn't going to change"
"Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?"