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Joke of the Day

"I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo."

"My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday. That was an awkward SMS to receive."

"If my dick was a dude... He would prefer the term little person"

"What is the difference between dog shit and black people? One eventually turns white and stops stinking."

"Where was the male lion's favorite vacation spot? Maine"

"When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years."

"Her: I just read this really funny thing on FB. Me: No you didn't."

"A Czech goes for an eye check up The optician shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY Doctor: Can you read this? Czech: Read? I even know the guy, he's my cousin."

"How does a SQL expert get a date? getDate() ^(I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)"

"Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!"