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Joke of the Day

"What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work? I'll catch you later!"

"I'm crap at telling jokes. I keep on punching up the fuck lines."

"How can you help a starving cannibal? Give them a hand !"

"Goals for my kids before I had them: teach them Spanish, only use positive reinforcement, never yell. After: get them to put on pants."

"I am not a ride or die chick. I have questions. Where we going? Will there be food? Why do I have to die? Why didn't you like my last pic?.."

"So I said to this sloth, ""listen here buddy.."" Before i could finish he interrupted me and shouted""Woah, woah! Slow down!"""

"I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night ...After 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen."

"What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea."

"Why do clowns make bad entrepreneurs? Because they're into some funny business"

"What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping? Lazy bones."