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Joke of the Day

"I want to tell you guys a small joke It's very puny!"

"Initially I thought I would rather catch herpes than feelings. But then I realized herpes are forever."

"If bullshit could float...you'd be the Admiral of the fleet! "

"My 1-year-old thought it was funny to put food in my mouth. It was cute with Skittles. Then she switched to dog food."

"Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations? They don't believe in higher powers."

"Why was the UKIP voter angry? Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)"

"How did the Hulk feel after trying to lift Mjolnir? He felt Thor."

"How do you castrate a priest? Kick the altar boy in the back off the head"

"The cranberries used to write songs that would get stuck in your head, in your heeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

"My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I could make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face when I drove pasta"