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Joke of the Day

"What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested? I'm-in-a-cent!"

"Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches would look silly."

"A thief broke into my house last night He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him."

"I've been working with NASCAR on redesigning the track for more variety, but it's tough I just can't seem to get it right"

"[at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*"

"Take my wife, Please!"

"""Wow, you look like shit this morning."" ""Really? That's funny because I was totally going for the urination look."""

"I told my girlfriend that I wanted to be cremated... I then told my family that I had no specific burial requests, just make sure that they don't have me cremated, no matter what."

"Q: What did the writing utensil take for his high sugar level? A: Pencil-in."

"if you have a cash bar at your wedding you should be embarrassed enough to never show your face in public again"