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Joke of the Day

"A family walks into a hotel... The father goes to the front desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies. ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck."""

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"If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A. Has intimacy issues B. Is frigid C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus."
"What happened when the lion ate the comedian ? He felt funny !"
"What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time? Getting all high and mighty"
"GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWSTM: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf"
"The first rule of Yacht Club is you need a membership and a boat."
"I asked a homeless woman if I could take her home. She shyly said yes.... so I took her cardboard box and left."
"To everyone who ever doubted me, all I have to say to you is...lucky guess."
"Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month."
"When someone picks up your call after 3 or 4 rings you should know they were seriously contemplating letting you go to voicemail"