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Joke of the Day

"GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWSTM: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf"

"""I live as a mountain man because I enjoy the isolation and I hate people. Film crews are cool though."" - Mountain Men on History Channel"

"What's ISIS favourite meal? Turkey! Its the bomb!"

"Why can't random men check random women's breasts for cancel? Because that sort of information is on a knead to know basis."

"Show me your weirdest gif I want to laugh. Bonus points for ones that I've never seen before"

"An englishman a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar The welshman isn't there because he's still at the euros"

"What do priests and McDonalds have in common? Both stick their meat into ten-year-old buns."

"I hate being bipolar. It's fucking awesome."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? [nsfw] I don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it. (Although they're terrible I can't help but to love dead baby jokes)"

"I have a bumper sticker that says COP KISSER explicitly to make it awkward when a police officer asks if I know why they pulled me over."