160421

Joke of the Day

"Question: What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender? Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on"

"Why doesn't the fat acceptance movement have a Gandhi? No one is willing to go on a hunger strike for the cause"

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? ...a rip off."

"Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic man? He lies awake all night wondering if there's a Dog."

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag? You take the f out of ""safe"" and the f out of ""way""."

"Sex is so much more with a big penis . . . With a small penis, you're barely scratching the cervix."

"If I was a ghost, I'd write ""Happy Birthday"" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday."

"I was desperate, I *needed* a recipe for Indian bread! But I found naan..."

"When you find a body beneath your floorboards is it face up or face down that's good luck?"

"*carries 11 bags of groceries and like a whole mattress on one arm and my phone in my free hand*"