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Joke of the Day

"When you find a body beneath your floorboards is it face up or face down that's good luck?"

"Are your breast imported? Because they look like they're over C's"

"I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that shit."

"Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says ""if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...."" ""anything"" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic."

"How do you get even with Hellen Keller? (Comment your favorite Hellen Keller jokes) How do you get even with Hellen Keller? Leave the plunger in the toilet"

"This girl said ""she didn't know how I would take it..."" So I figured if anything I'd just give it back."

"Difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road? The dog had skid marks in front of it."

"How do birds record their songs ? On duck tape !"

"A tourist tried to visit a nudist beach only to discover it was blocked off. He asked the local lisping lifeguard of the beach, ""You open?"" The lifeguard responded, ""Sorry, we're clothed."""

"What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis? Massage a knee."