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Joke of the Day

"If I was a ghost, I'd write ""Happy Birthday"" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday."

"If I were God I would say I'm going to fill the ocean with water but when the Subway employee wasn't looking fill it with Sprite instead."

"Just like every year, this April 1st will mark a day were people around the world fall for silly fibs and wildly embellished stories. Then they will fall for April Fools jokes."

"My dog was diagnosed with diabetes. Its okay though, I only had to give her one shot. I chose a .357 magnum."

"Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it."

"I think the best thing about being a cyclops is no one would notice if you had a lazy eye."

"Why don't seagulls fly in the bay? Because they don't want to be bagels."

"One sweet thing about being the boss in the office is that you can actually order specific supplies you want to steal."

"Why do we call dogs, K-9? ...because K-10 is for cats."

"Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3? He was blowing off Steam"