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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth? Gladiator."

"""how was self-deprecating rap battle?"" I don't want to talk about it ""come on what happened?"" they saw my porsche ""oh ouch"""

"The Night's Watch opens a drinking establishment to attract new brothers. They call it the Crow Bar."

"Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own."

"I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed."

"13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU! Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Judging by the covers, every issue of every comic book is the one where the main character dies."

"I have a love/hate relationship with mood swings."

"*Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?"

"You can't spell ""secret government conspiracies"" without that 27th letter of the alphabet that they're hiding from us"