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Joke of the Day

"Judging by the covers, every issue of every comic book is the one where the main character dies."

"If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance."

"if you wake up.... If you wake up in the middle of the woods and your butt hurts would you tell anyone? No! Wanna go camping?"

"Alphaterrorism Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a terrorist attack. It's not yet known which letter had anything to do with the atrocity, but early reports suggest G had."

"I tried to buy a Christmas tree to put in my shed. I couldn't find one anywhere. They were all non - shed."

"A farmer was worried when he counted only 196 cows... ...but when he rounded them up, much to his relief, he had 200."

"How do you know when you should get a puppy? When life's getting a little ruff ...I'll see myself out"

"Santa Hates Blonds Why did the blond slap Santa? He kept saying ""Ho Ho Ho"" *dum roll - rim slap*"

"all the haters throwimg tomatos at me while im on stage dont seem to understand that im always lookimg for extra tomatos to make soup with"

"I don't trust anyone with a beard, especially a woman"