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Joke of the Day

"I don't do hard liquor... ...I liquor hard"

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"I think I might be suffering from anorexia. Every time I look in the mirror I just see a fat guy."
"What is white and goes up? A stupid snowflake"
"WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait"
"If you take the word ""spatula"" out of the dictionary it's just a list of things that aren't spatulas."
"How do zombies communicate in times of war? Cryptic code."
"What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming ? Here come the elephants"
"Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do."
"I like my women like I like my deer... Mounted."
"""Dad, what do you think about abortion?"" --Ask your sister --But I don't have a sis..."