160125

Joke of the Day

"My buddy David lost his id so now I just call him Dave."

"Did you hear about the man who got a hatchet stuck in his teeth? It was accidental."

"Any jokes about failed startups?"

"Mein kampf es su kampf"

"My friend is so easy to manipulate... I once convinced him to go to the hospital by putting a piece of glass in his neck. ^Apologies ^to ^American ^Dad!"

"Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Actually, never mind. I'll finish, you'll be thoroughly disappointed, and then I'll start crying."

"Was decorating the front yard last night and one of the neighborhood kids tried to deflate me."

"What did the Alaska Native's girlfriend say when she broke up with him? *""I'm just not that Inuit.""*"

"Botox doesn't make you look young, it makes you look like you think you're old."

"When I get in a crowded elevator I can't stop myself from trying to guess everybody's weight."