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Joke of the Day

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic? Hasta last vista, baby."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He can't come anyways."

"Just farted loudly outside my office before checking to see if anyone was nearby. Nobody was. It's called the #edge, & I am #livin on it"

"What do you call 1000 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge"

"I tried to post a joke about foreskin earlier... but it got removed"

"I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be."

"Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend."

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating. There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon"

"What do you tell a girl with two black eyes? Nothing, she has already been told twice."

"What bait do you use to catch a space fish? A worm hole"