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Joke of the Day

"[Pulled over] Sir do you know how fast you were going? MY DOG IS IN LABOR! Oh! In that case *scribbles* Here is a ticket for littering."

"Investment question If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper."

"I work hard so my dog can have a better life."

"What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain? It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain."

"Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true."

"How do you kill a troll? Take away its internet access."

"I tried to learn how to drive a stick shift but I couldn't locate the manual."

"Kanye and Kim name their first child North West... ....in hopes that it will one day be the lead singer for One Direction"

"My background check bounced."

"How many rats does it take to screw in a light bulb... Two, but you have to wonder how they got in the light bulb."