159942

Joke of the Day

"I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)"

"What's the difference between a 5 year old kid and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window."

"There's a fine science to the number of texts you need to pretend to be friendly before asking someone for a favor."

"I rented a prostitute for $60 an hour, I paid her 50 cents."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alistair ! Alistair who ? Alistairs in this house are broken !"

"I like racists jokes the same way that I like black people I don't like racists jokes."

"I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers."

"What's the difference between choking sex and necrophilia? About 5 minutes"

"Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!"

"What happens to the chicken who decided to cross the highway Chicken decided to cross the highway for excitement It was fun in the beginning but eventually it got **tired**"