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Joke of the Day

"My tweets may contain typos because English is not my first language--my first language was baby talk, and babies are horrible writers."

"5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That'd wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation"

"What do you call a chinese jew? Oriental Cooking"

"I wanted to do some light history reading this summer... ...so I read the biography of Thomas Edison."

"I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods"

"Yo momma's so ugly... When the cops shoot her, the bullets come back and ask for blindfolds."

"What do you call a group of cows robbing a Skyscraper? A high-steaks mission."

"Two Mexicans fall of a cliff at the exact same time. Who wins? Society."

"What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts."

"A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said ""Uno, dos"" *POOF* He disappeared without a tres. **edit Front page??? Thats Punbelieveable!"