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Joke of the Day

"I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods"

"What do you call Bob the builder after he retires? Bob"

"Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country? Because opposite poles attract"

"The grass is always greener on the other side Because if we let you in you'd just ruin it for the rest of us."

"I'm at work for another hour and my phone's at 14%. If I don't make it to the end of the day, tell all my friends, ""Not much u"""

"Daddy, can I have another cup of water? ""Sure, son. But it's your 12th cup tonight..."" ""I know, the baby's room is still on fire."""

"How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex"

"What's in common between Batman and a black guy? They can't go into a store without Robin"

"Sherlock Holmes walks into his house with a basket full of lemons. Watson asks, ""Where did you get so many lemons?"" Holmes replies, ""A lemon tree, Watson.."""

"6'5"" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-"