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Joke of the Day

"Captain: You're suspended. Turn in ur badge and gun. [he does, but immediately grows a new badge and gun] Godammit, u were born to be a cop."

"Why are men smarter than women? Because two heads are better than one."

"Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together"

"A cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race. The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to catch up."

"What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? Salad shooter."

"Why is Adam known as the first accountant? He turned a leaf and made an entry."

"I feel bad for people who work at German supermarkets. They have to deal with Deutsch bags all day."

"You know you're wrong... when YouTube commenters start agreeing with you."

"What do you call a WWII battle that finished it's senior year at communism school? Leningrad"

"The economy is so bad I went to buy a toaster and they gave me a bank."