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Joke of the Day

"I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke."

"An impressed man and his friend. Man: ""'Wow, you're omniscient!"" Friend: ""What does that mean?"" Man: ""Nevermind."""

"I left my phone by my side while I was sleeping with an app to ""ding"" every time it recognizes a person that looks like me It ""dinged"" all night."

"Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him."

"Why does Bane and a monk get along well in the morning? Because the friar rises!"

"The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all."

"What is Helen Kellers favorite color? Corduroy."

"It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever..."

"Saw a really attractive woman the other day... She was wearing a miniskirt and a really low-cut shirt and I kept thinking to myself, ""Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner."" She did...."

"""Let's make sure there's 3 miles of handicap parking."" -Walmart"