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Joke of the Day
"What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off."
Next Joke
"My thesis just came back with ""Appendix?"" scrawled on it. Seems a little forward but I thought: sure, why not?."
"LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun"
"I'm really disappointed that Jill Stein is not the female Wallstreet-corporate puppet of the 2016 US Presidential election... As I'll never get to use the term ""shill Stein"""
"SURGEON: hold on, i just need to YouTube this part of the procedure PHONE: *unskippable ad plays* NURSE: he's dyin SURGEON: ah crap, hold on"
"My laptop in college was So bad.. To start it I needed my friends car and some jumper cables"
"I shouted ""the blue Subaru with an Obama sticker left its lights on!"" at Mt. Bachelor and had the *entire* hill to myself for an hour"
"I have a big business on kids and murders. They all love my ferrets."
"Q: What kind of flower grows on your face? A: Tulips."
"I thought it was FRAT Tuesday! Now what am I supposed to do with all these popped collars?"