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Joke of the Day

"I'm really disappointed that Jill Stein is not the female Wallstreet-corporate puppet of the 2016 US Presidential election... As I'll never get to use the term ""shill Stein"""

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? ""Keep the tip!"""

"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"

"A legume broke out of prison today Police are looking for the escapea."

"How are cats like empty wine bottles? I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both."

"Two law students walk into a bar. They both failed."

"Do you know why Station Masters are so good at their job?? They train them-self a lot."

"I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked."

"They serve free coffee at my office It's one of the perks."

"*For Harry Potter fans* What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak? Parcel-tongue"