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Joke of the Day

"Ready for battle, I taunted Monday and spit in its face, but when I woke up from my drunken haze, I realized I'd been yelling at Sunday."

"I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap."

"What do frogs do when they are depressed? They Kermit suicide."

"What are Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Theresa May doing in a room together? ...playing bridge."

"Because you can't hang up in person. Duct tape,"

"I bought a pair of sneakers from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with because I have been tripping all week."

"What's the difference between a black guy and a canoe? Canoes tip."

"What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving."

"What do you call two rows of cabbages ? A dual cabbageway !"

"Poland... Poland - a country between Russia to the east and Germany to the west. If they piss Russia off, they turn the gas off. If they piss Germany off they turn the gas on."