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Joke of the Day

"I know the real reason the Pope is resigning. He finally realized that they were never going to promote him to God."

"What did the evil tin man say when he was run over by a steamroller? Curses! Foil again!"

"Why don't cows simply run away from their farms? Because they don't have enough sta**moo**na"

"[therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Biker Barbie ...complete with leathers and tattoos"

"So I had a dream the other night that I won $100K on a scratch off lottery ticket. Tonight I bought one and I won my $1 back"

"What does a cat say when it lands on it's back? Me. Ow."

"The only thing I want to ""portion control"" is my time spent at work."

"I finally found a book where the love interest is a grandfather clock It's about fucking time"

"Confucius say... Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."