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Joke of the Day

"I bet if supermodels got to pick a superpower some of them would choose 'solar' because some of them aren't that bright"

"My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way."

"life is like a box of chocolates: it kills dogs"

"My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say ""my husband can never find out about us."""

"Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. "

"I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??"

"My lawyer friend loves board games... ...but he has been sad lately, ever since he started that Risk-free 30-day trial."

"How long do I microwave these turtles before I can teach them karate?"

"When I die I'm going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook"

"Trump chose his Secretary of Defence But who will be Secretary of De Wall?"