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Joke of the Day

"My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way."

"If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it's called ""cheating."""

"whats the secret service of Australia called? M8"

"When I die I want my body donated to science Specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life."

"Why was the powerful Jedi a terrible comedian? Too *forced*, his punchlines were"

"George Bush repeatedly tries to crack a coconut on the side of a hot skillet ""Laura, I told you not to buy the god damn hairy eggs anymore"""

"I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground... Being the only adult around, I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance."

"What was the last thing that went through the bugs head after he hit the window shield? His ass"

"Why couldn't the stoner simplify his binomials in front of the class? Because a watched pothead never FOILS."

"What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? The woman in church has hope in her soul... The woman In the bathtub has soap in her hole."