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Joke of the Day
"life is like a box of chocolates: it kills dogs"
Next Joke
"The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now."
"Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition? Because he was so good at pumping."
"In my dream I see us all standing together, throwing away differences and rallying for the abolition of mayo escape-holes in loaf bread."
"Has a conversation in my head - Cackles with mirth"
"I like my women like I like my cars Fast, loud, and used. Off craigslist."
"What did the lawyer say to the sovereign citizen when asked for legal counsel? **Am I being retained?** **Am I being retained?**"
"What do you call a gay Jew? He-blew"
"How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror."
"I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public."