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Joke of the Day

"What is your best orphan/dark joke? This will hopefully be sfw but my have strong words."

"Alzheimer's cop: do you know why I pulled you over?"

"My boyfriend stole my banana... My boyfriend stole my banana so I called him out on it. He said, ""Oh I'm sorry. I can get you another banana that's just as yellow."""

"How do you know you've had a really good orgasm? When you have to pull the sheet out of your ass..."

"Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium went on a date? OMG!"

"*walks into work 20 minutes late* *boss glares at me* ""Sorry. Traffic."" *boss gestures to my Starbucks cup* ""Oh this? I found it."""

"I don't even like sports but I'm excited for next year's superbowl... Because it will be Superbowl L"

"I'm never mean to a girl in glasses, because she will most likely turn out to be hot and popular by the end of the movie."

"""Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I bounced a check for my girlfriend's abortion? They had to put the baby back in. And that baby... ...was Shia LaBeouf."" -Klaus, American Dad"

"Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet? They were Putin up with him."