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Joke of the Day

"[me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*"

"10: Mom what's a metaphor? Me: My life is a train wreck. 10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?"

"Two tampons are walking down the street towards you, which one says hello? Neither, they're both stuck up cunts!"

"*Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with receipt* This one doesn't listen anymore...Can I get a new one?"

"""Let me put it this way.."" ~gist of Kamasutra"

"What is jewish Pokemontrainer called? Ash"

"A guy I know got bitten by a radioactive bedbug. He spent 3 weeks in a coma, but when he came round again he was able to fold a fitted sheet"

"The last human alive will get no funeral."

"I was going to write a joke about feminism... But my husband wouldn't let me."

"What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it simply waved."