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Joke of the Day

"Lawyer: so tell me, why was my client's mouth bleeding? Dentist: he doesn't floss Me: You hit me! D: [puts lips on mic] bc you don't floss"

"What's the biggest sign she's just not into you? a restraining order."

"I wonder what chairs think about all day... Oh, here comes another asshole."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping on the bus? He woke up."

"How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold my penisI mean my motherI mean the ladder."

"What's the difference between a pair of shoes and a ginger girl? You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't, cause they can't change anything. (Just told to me by my 12 year old son.)"

"Freddy thought he was the true nightmare until he met Chuck Norris who roundhouse kicked and from that day Freddy hides in fear thinking a nightmare in texas"

"My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn't invite anybody I could eat all the snacks."

"Losing your phone is the adult version of having your balloon fly away."