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Joke of the Day

"I was thinking of shaving my beard But it really grew on me."

"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."

"Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: He wanted to win the no bell prize!"

"Math teacher: What is the value of x? Student: She was my life."

"2015 twilight zone episode abt me wanting to get jacked so my clothes fit better but then I get so jacked they look too tight and weird"

"I used to be poor. Then I found a thesaurus now I am impecunious."

"What's a star trek fans favourite drink? Picardi and Kirk"

"Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?"

"So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night? She said: no I really was asleep. (I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)"

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years... It's not like I have 2020 vision"