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Joke of the Day

"My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her. It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home."

"What's one thing that always sticks up for you when you make bad decisions. A boner. Thank you very much."

"Hey, guy who sniffs wine then talks about its oakiness or whatever, could you stop being a serial killer"

"Big trouble in my kitchen tonight. The pot called the kettle black. The cup called the mug white. And they both called the teabag gay."

"If you're only18, please don't tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life."

"Why can't Obama dance? Cause he has two leftist feet."

"Batteries I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week."

"I hope Jeremy Corben is successful in his new chosen career! I didn't really rate him as a comedian, he was especially bad in The Wrong Man's."

"What does a gay horse eat? Hhhhaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy."