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Joke of the Day

"dad, we have ants on the counter! Hey, some of them are uncles, moms, and dads. (Thanks dad)"

"What did the leper say to the hooker? You can keep the tip."

"What is the Difference Between a Pretentious Asshole, and a Brilliant Artist? About 6 feet."

"A family walks into a Hotel... The Dad walks up to the desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The receptionist says ""It's regular porn you sick fuck."""

"Two fat Scottish sounding women in my bar tonight... ""Hey, are you two from Scotland?"" I asked. ""It's WALES you fucking idiot,"" one yelled. I apologized, ""Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"""

"How can you tell if someone is having a stroke? There is lotion and used tissues laying around"

"I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw"

"During an appointment, a doctor tells his patient, ""You have got to stop masturbating!"" The patient gets concerned and asks, ""Why? Is it affecting my health?"" ""No! I'm just trying to examine you!"""

"Don't ask me stupid questions and I won't hurt your stupid feelings."

"I mean, really though, who hasn't seen a UFO at this point?"