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Joke of the Day

"I've got a black eye, a $200 fine and I've been listed on a register...turns out taking candy from a baby wasn't so easy after all."

"Alien joke. I feel sorry for the aliens....that live in the third world country."

"My uncle once ejaculated on me Glad I got that off my chest"

"I once had a llama."

"When I meet someone new I shake their hand really fast and whisper ""yes, please don't stop"" because people need to learn not to talk to me."

"complaining about your wife's stories will result in having to sit through her story about the time you complained about her stories"

"Sometimes relationships don't work out because of timing, but most of the time it's because someone is an asshole."

"Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth."

"I'm starting a fight club... First rule is tell everyone you know because I have no members yet"

"Want to get your kids attention and make sure they hear what you say? Start whispering something to your spouse."