158306

Joke of the Day

"What happens when you put a soul-singing duck in a microwave? It's Bill Withers."

"If you want her - tell her. If you need her - show her. If you yearn for her - touch her. Just make sure her husband's not at home."

"How does a cow do math? With a cowculator!"

"I would imagine paying your bills at a library in Prague has to be easy. You know, with all of the Czech books and whatnot."

"Today someone told me that I was ignorant and apathetic. I don't know what that means and I don't care."

"I really, really need to stop eating clocks It is very time consuming"

"I was playing chess with my Australian friend He moved his queen in front of my king and said ""check, mate"". I replied and said, ""you didn't win though?"" Confused he said, ""mate, I know."""

"Leg Chat: What did the left leg say to the right leg? Q: What did the left leg say to the right leg? A: ""That one in the middle thinks he's hard."""

"My mate was freaking out today, crying and all. He had no idea how he was going to become the fruit farmer he'd always dreamed of being. I told him to grow a pear."

"Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you."