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Joke of the Day

"[In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth...] EARTH: yo GOD: what? EARTH: send nudes GOD: *creates Adam & Eve* EARTH: nice"

"There are 10 types of people in the world Those who understand binary and those who don't"

"[financial advisor] based on your income and savings you can retire at age 116 [me] *slips her $100* let's make it 112 [her] now it's 120"

"I asked a French person why us Americans piss them off so much I couldn't really understand what he said but I'm pretty sure it was ""Blah blah blah, I'm French, I'm better than everyone."""

"Ladies, wonder if he's busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before."

"Darth Vader once baked some cookies... But it was a little on the dark side."

"I was going to join the Preoccupy New York protests... but I have better things to do."

"Why did the turtle cross the road? ...to get to the Shell station."

"Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. It runs through your ""jeans"""

"Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver? He always leaves you hanging"