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Joke of the Day

"I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, ""Disney Land Left"", so he turned around and went home."

"Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery boss? Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross."

"What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)"

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"[male bank teller gives my niece a sucker] Me: What do you say? Niece: My aunt's single, do you have money? Me: lol how embarrassing! Do u?"

"What do you call dirty white underwear? Stained glass."

"You kids have no idea how lucky you are. Back in my day we had to shave our jokes into the sides of cats and throw those cats at passers by."

"FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke's on them -- I no longer have the strength to do anything at all"

"Do you know how to make 5 lbs of fat look good?. Put a nipple on it!"

"Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work."