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Joke of the Day

"You kids have no idea how lucky you are. Back in my day we had to shave our jokes into the sides of cats and throw those cats at passers by."

"French Bread There's this crazy guy on our street that tries to catch people and shove French bread up their butt... He's a real pain in the ass"

"The .01% of germs that remain alive in your mouth after mouthwash are the Liam Neeson guys who are really pissed and looking for revenge."

"The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone has stolen every lamp in his house."

"You'd think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint."

"I honestly don't know how much longer I can be expected to go on before I inherit a manor with a horrifying secret"

"*releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird"

"I have a really annoying joke but first you will need to take a deep breath and blink hard... Ha, now you are conscious of your breathing and blinking."

"I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands."

"In the new Star Wars film, Han Solo goes to Chewbacca's home planet and discovers that all the other Wookies wear pants."