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Joke of the Day

"Why it feels so hard to break up with a japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."

"Tear drop tattoos should only be for people with a lazy eye so we know which one to look at."

"So i went to the zoo the other day, but there was only 1 animal there. It was a Shih Tzu"

"I don't know the lyrics to any of Pitbull's songs, but in my defense, I'm not really convinced he does either."

"How to sound Australian. Say ""good eye might"" aloud."

"IAmA hot dog cart owner, AMA my weiner!"

"*Eating mini Reese's cups* 5&7: Mommy what are you eating? M: Dog poop."

"Loan officer: And what is the purpose of your loan, Sir? Me: Whole Foods. I shop at Whole Foods."

"I'll eat when I'm dead - zombies"

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""No baby wait, I can change..."""