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Joke of the Day

"... My life up till now! Hayyooooo!! :/"

"I want a job as a mirror cleaner... It's something I can see myself doing."

"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm black?? Cop: Sir, you're white, driving 90 in a 30. Me: Racist. Cop: Get out."

"So my doctor told me I need to stop eating so much... But I don't think I can just quit eating cold turkey."

"I watched a documentary on marijuana It was very enjoyable. I think all documentaries should be watched this way."

"Two hats on a hat hanger, one says to the other.... You go on ahead."

"I keep hearing so much talk about ISIS right now... They're really blowing up."

"Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do."

"Teacher And Student Teacher: who's the big person, you or your dad? Kid: me of course. Teacher: why. Kid: I stopped drinking milk from my mom, dad hasn't."

"Just saw a bumper sticker that said ""I'd rather be tweeting."" It was on a car that was flipped upside down in a ditch."