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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a bumper sticker that said ""I'd rather be tweeting."" It was on a car that was flipped upside down in a ditch."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Likalotapus."

"Did you hear about the honeydew and pineapple who tried getting married? The court said they *cant-eloupe*"

"Have you read that new book on antigravity? It's hard to put down!"

"""Matt, you just need to date the type of person that will always be there for you!"" [tries to date pizza] [gets friend calzoned]"

"A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass Doctors describe his condition as stable"

"I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day."

"This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls."

"Why didn't Jeffrey Dahmer eat vegetables? He didn't like getting rid of all the wheelchairs"

"What would a piggy-bank say if it could talk? Coink! Coink!"